#1liner Weds: The Nose Knows

Have you ever been drawn to something that your normal logic tells you should repulse you? Scare you even? But you just can’t explain it. And you just can’t help yourself…

The Nose Knows- a flash fiction tale

The smell hit her in a wave of nausea as she slid into the driver’s seat. He’d done it again! Smoked a cigar in the car, ground it down into a stinking ball, and left it there it in the ashtray overnight. Left it there for someone else to clean up. She gritted her teeth, opened the window, and drove off, her hands tight and tense on the steering wheel.

On the highway, exhaust fumes from the car in front of her made her gag, so she closed the window again. With her indicator on, she managed to overtake the car and continue to the offramp where she turned into the mall and into her usual parking bay. She noticed a dark patch of oil on the tarmac next to her as she pulled in- someone else’s oil leak. Its petroleum stink, hot in the late morning sun, rose to meet her as she stepped out of the car. The nausea nearly overwhelmed her as she locked the car behind her and headed for the salon, the doors sliding open as she stepped into the entrance.

The smells of the salon– peroxide and acetone and all the things for nails and hair dyes– was stifling, and the stink of hair being by fried by extreme heat made her feel dizzy. The receptionist was understanding: “It’s no problem, Mrs Arends. Rather just go home if you’re unwell. Just phone us when you feel better, and we’ll be happy to reschedule today’s appointment.”

Stepping into the house, the smells of aerosol polish and oven cleaner reminded her instantly that today was Wednesday, the day the cleaning service people came in. Walking quickly up the stairs to her bedroom, she could tell that there would be no peace up here either– the entire upstairs level smelt of linen washed in too much detergent (she had asked them previously to adjust the amounts), and of the overpowering, artificially floral scents of fabric softener hanging in the air. Opening the door to the ensuite bathroom, she collided with the harsh stink of household bleach stinging her nostrils, her eyes, her throat.

She was walking towards the far end of the homestead grounds now, far from the main house, where the air was cool and soft and smelt of greenery and of the bark of the surrounding trees. She’d walked this way exactly once before: years ago, when they had first moved onto the property. Now she made her way past the simple stone and brick cottages that belonged to the farmhands and other workers on the property. It was peaceful, and very quiet- nobody home during working hours. Ahead of her was a simple stone wall, not very high, and some distance behind the wall was a cottage made of yellow bricks, a bit bigger than the simple cottages that the farmhands occupied. She recognised it as the home of the groundskeeper and his wife. There was a small garden adjoining the cottage, with rows of ripening mielie cobs, a few spinach plants, and five or six red and white hens scratching about. She kept walking.

The smell was like nothing she’d ever experienced: gamey and pungent and almost overpowering. It was the smell of something rotting, but with a strange, almost-freshness to it: organic and nearly edible. As she approached the wall, she saw that it was one section of a square enclosure, its height reaching just above her waist as she leaned over. The pigs continued to grunt contentedly as they chewed and slurped and sucked– the slops and kitchen leftovers being churned and pushed and pummeled by their round, flat, fleshy snouts as they grazed. As she stood and watched, the thought of humus came to her: stuff of the earth, and mushroom compost or maybe manure. She thought about the vegetable garden they had kept briefly when they first moved onto the property. It hadn’t really worked out– he’d wanted pavers– and the project was finally abandoned. She stood and watched the pigs, admiring their snouts, how busy-busy and agile, and imagined them rooting in the roots, hunting for truffles in the dirt (it was pigs that did that, wasn’t it?), their nostrils alive with the sweet smell of decay. Imagined then grinding their snouts into the dark earth, the stuff of life. She imagined them sniffing out and hunting down those hidden treasures, till, finally, success- their noses caked in dirt, and the precious thing, the strangely shaped nub of fungus, now within reach.

When he at last found her, she was lying on her back on one section of the wall with her knees bent, gazing calmly up at the early evening sky. She had one hand on her stomach, gently caressing the small mound there: 16 weeks exactly, give or take a day or two. He vaguely heard her say something about not coming back tonight. About being just where she needed to be.

 

Written for One Liner Wednesday at Linda G Hill

(Not always) the sweet smell of success.’

 

 Photo by Leah Kelley on Pexels.com

#1liner Weds: How to find your Writing Feet

“Tain’t no Sin to Take off your Skin, and Dance around in your Bones.”

Ray Bradbury’s book, ‘Zen in the Art of Writing’, mentions this little ditty above, which he describes as his ‘favourite tune’ when he was young. At first glance this ditty is deceptively quaint and whimsical, but I find it quite profound: it talks of the act of baring your writing soul, reveling in the freedom of unrestricted expression as you go about finding your voice, and the joy of being unrestrained and unconcerned about what everyone else might think of you as you do so.

I’m loving reading this book; I find it many things: humorous, informative, irreverent, wise, enthused, energising, reassuring, warm, honest, and all based on Ray Bradbury’s many years of writing experience and ‘living large’ even as a pre-teen. He delves into his childhood loves and fears and pains and talks about how these things carried him and informed him as writer and story- teller.

I’m quoting below from Chapter One- The Joy of Writing:

“… the first thing a writer should be is -excited. He should be a thing of fevers and enthusiasms. Without such vigor, he might as well be out picking peaches or digging ditches; God knows it’d be better for his health. How long has it been since you wrote a story where your real love or your real hatred somehow got onto the paper? What are the best things and the worst things in your life, and when are you going to get around to whispering or shouting them?”

I love writing fiction; expressing myself through storytelling- I find it cathartic, and I find it helps me to delve into my thoughts and feelings and reveal these on the page in the way that’s right for me. Frustratingly though, storytime too often ends up on the back burner as the rest of the stuff of life takes over. Not a good excuse, I know. Ray Bradbury would probably tell me to just Find my Feet, Hit the Page Running, and to Spill my Guts in the process!

Written for One Liner Wednesday at Linda G Hill

The Honest Truth

Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

Yesterday I posted here on my blog. Three hours or so later, I binned the post. Something didn’t feel right. It wasn’t unhappy with the writing itself. I hadn’t rushed through it- in fact I had planned this post several days before. The content was interesting, I thought. The subject matter was something that resonated with me. So, what was the problem? I’m still not entirely sure, but it was enough to make me want to whip it off my blog site shortly after publication. I could go so far as to say it didn’t feel authentic, but maybe it just wasn’t what I wanted to write about.

I know I’m out of practice following a long hiatus, and that no doubt affects my confidence a bit. I feel like I’m still in the starting blocks here, yet to find my groove and the necessary traction to carry me along. I had a sixteen-month gap between April 2021 and August this year when I started blogging again. I hadn’t really even expected to be back here following that lengthy break, but here we are again. Am I happy to be back? Yes, I am, especially when I see some of the familiar blogging faces and discover some new ones which I’ve tagged to follow. I’ve never had a large following on WordPress but it’s reassuring and heart-warming to see that most if not all of my followers are still there, plus one or two more over the past few weeks.

Speaking of blogging breaks, I’ve seen bloggers continue to comment on other people’s blogs even after they have left their own in entirety or are on ‘blog sabbatical’ themselves. I think opting out for a while can offer you a kind of freedom to observe and engage with other bloggers on a different level- if you’re not blogging it gives you more time to explore other blogger’s sites, play around with the WordPress search bars for new posts and sites, and go through the Discover section in the Reader. But I did none of those things during my extended break. I stepped away completely due to reasons which I won’t detail here. Save to say that the period between March 2021 and late August this year has involved huge changes and challenges, some of which I have coped with better than others. Blogging moved onto the back burner as I turned my attention to other things that needed me more. The real heartbreak came with the sudden and shocking passing of a younger family member earlier this year. There are no words for this.

I think a blogger’s needs can change over time, extended gaps between posts or otherwise. Sometimes we just need a break. Our circumstances change, times change, and even if we know that our values have not really changed, we are sometimes forced to change our priorities and our focus in life because of the things that happen. These kinds of changes may or may not impact on our blogs and the things we find ourselves writing about. Sometimes we question whether our blogs still reflect what is really in our hearts and minds, and we feel the urge to take a step back for a while. This is never a bad thing.

And even when those curve balls come, those one’s that hit you right in the solar plexus, leaving you windless and speechless, you need to try and lean into the trajectory, lean into the tail of that curve ball, and eventually settle back into your groove. Or maybe even find a brand new one♥

Pause to Reflect: 5 beautiful thoughts for the later months of 2022

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In my garden: Purple Iris

I originally intended this post for January this year. I thought it was a nice way to get things started for 2022: some inspired wisdom following a year of unprecedented challenges on a world wide scale. A new year, especially when it follows a particularly difficult one, holds a promise of renewal and a fresh start, and we look forward with a sense of hope for better things to come. We look to embrace the possibilities ahead, and we feel the urge to move forward to dream bigger, do better and be better.

Fast forward to the last week of August 2022 and I find that much has happened since that fresh first month of January, and also that I never got round to publishing this post. It occurred to me that right now, now that the year has lost its youthful sheen, may be a good time for us to check in with ourselves. It’s fair to say that inspiration never goes out of date, and words that seem wise and uplifting are as relevant in August as they are in January. The later stage of a year is where we may well be needing a dose of that positivity that we started the year with. Even if we have done well with the New Year’s resolutions and goals we may have created for the year, life presents ongoing challenges and as we find our coping mechanisms being continually stretched, we may feel those frustrations and disappointments piling up. And that’s when we need to step back, take a breath (in AND out) and pause for some perspective and the energy to motivate ourselves going forward.

The following are not necessarily intended as maxims or mottos for life, although indeed they could be. These are all quotes taken from different sources: websites and blog posts, a newspaper article and an encyclopaedia entry. These are writings to reflect upon: Inspired and thoughtful words from the wise hearts and minds of humans past and present who, like you and me, no doubt had their good days and bad, and times where they had to dig deep just to get through the day. For me, each of these is a beautiful observation that makes the world a richer place and speaks of our ongoing human search for meaning, and our need to feel at home in ourselves and the world that we are a part of.

1.“The One you are looking for is the One who is looking.” (St Francis of Assisi). Beautifully explained in this post.

2. ““There exists a deep ecological tradition in Vedic culture by which human settlement, forests and water resources are carefully balanced. To achieve that balance, nature’s welfare and human welfare cannot be separated each other.”   Terry Sheldon explains the Vedic ecology at the core of the Small Farm Training Centre, in an article from the Huffington Post.

3. “Really, to have a life of doing you need to not do.” (Will Rosenzweig on the Tao). Read about the four levels of non-doing, and how it may sometimes be necessary to be detached from things that you care deeply about.

4. “Animals move; people can learn about movement from animals. House pets stretch all day long, creating space in their joints. Animals sit in different kinds of positions. Monkeys and apes do things with their hands. Perhaps as humans we need to reclaim our four- leggedness. Getting down on all fours stimulates the pranic flow. Sitting in chairs tightens the hamstrings and the lower back. Animals don’t sit on furniture; they have not built things contrary to their nature.”  (Denise Kaufman) from the Encyclopaedia of Religion and Nature

5.”Whats in your cup? ….When life gets tough, what spills over for you?” and “The journey of a 1000 miles begins with a single step” from ZEN FLASH

Because today is Earth Day

sunflower during sunset
Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

“For we forget our origins; in our towns and cities, staring into our screens, we need constant reminding that we have been operators of computers for a single generation and workers in neon-lit offices for three or four, but we were farmers for five hundred generations, and before that hunter-gatherers for perhaps fifty thousand or more, living with the natural world as part of it as we evolved, and the legaccannot be done away with.” From “The Moth Snowstorm: Nature and Joy”, by Michael Mccarthy.

And similarly, from marine biologist and human being truly in love with nature, Rachel Carson, whose book Silent Spring first ignited the Environmental Movement back in the 1960’s: “Our origins are of the earth. And so there is in us a deeply seated response to the natural universe, which is part of our humanity.”

International Earth Day 2021 is today: 22/04/2021

Prompted by Linda’s #1LinerWeds Challenge: 21/04/2021 : Random

Knowing when to Run

Clarens 2021
View of Golden Gate, near Clarens, South Africa

‘True self-care is not bath salts and chocolate cake, it’s making the choice to build a life you don’t need to escape from’ – Brianna Wiest

Talking of escape, that’s exactly what I happened to do this past weekend. We (my husband and I) spent a weekend in Clarens, a little town about three and half hours from where we live in Johannesburg. It is a beautiful little town, surrounded by hills and mountains and with an abundance of little shops and restaurants and places to enjoy a home grown craft beer or two.  Amazingly, the place seems to be flourishing despite the devastation of Covid, although sadly there are probably casualties that I am not aware of. From Wikipedia: Clarens is a small town situated in the foothills of the Maluti Mountains in the Free State province of South Africa and nicknamed the “Jewel of the Eastern Free State”. It was established in 1912 and named after the town of Clarens in Switzerland where exiled Paul Kruger spent his last days.

The weekend had been planned some weeks back, and I was looking forward to the break- a change of scene, a breath of fresh air, the pleasure of a mini holiday at a place that we had visited and delighted in over previous visits. However I was not really thinking of it as an escape. That’s a strong word. The feeling of escape came towards the end of the weekend, while we were driving back on the Sunday afternoon, when I reminded myself that I had not checked my phone for messages or notifications, or even gone online the entire weekend since the Friday morning.  And it felt good. It felt liberating. There is a kind of delight in the nonchalance of not feeling inclined to keep checking your phone, when you really feel in your bones that it’s just not important right now, that you have bigger fish to fry, and that fish is called Enjoying Your Day, Unimpeded. And I think that we all need to go there sometimes, to that place where you don’t feel FOMO tugging at your sleeve, or your heart strings or whatever, because that thing that’s REALLY tugging at your heart strings is often what you see when you just lift your eyes from the screen and look beyond your arm’s length to the trees and the clouds, and the Maluti mountain range out there in the distance.

  

Prompted by Linda’s #1LinerWeds Challenge: 31/03/2021 : Had To Run

#SoCS: Eureka! What have we found?

 

 

20/03/21: Starts with Cal…

So what is ‘callousness’ without an O? It’s having a hard lump growing on the side of the foot. Oh wait, ‘callusness’ doesn’t make sense. ‘Callusless’ makes sense, sort of, as in being without a callus. It reminds me of that joke: what do you call a man with a shovel in the side of his head?- Doug. And a man without a shovel in the side of his head?- Douglas. But whereas that joke may bring on a bit of a chuckle, ‘callusless’ is not funny. It does not hit home, let alone hit the funny bone, because it doesn’t mean anything. It’s not in the dictionary. Although maybe it could mean something. Maybe even something profound. Remember that part in Forrest Gump where Sally Field says to Tom Hanks, “If God intended everyone to be the same, he would have put everyone in legbraces”, or words to that effect. And wow, it’s just dawned on me that leg braces have a ‘proper’ name: Calipers- Which is also a ‘cal’ word! This feels like a Eureka moment, although I don’t know what it is I have found, if anything. Is the universe trying to tell me something? About calipers? That feels a bit far- fetched. Maybe the universe is just reminding me that sometimes we would be better off if the exception could be the rule. That things like quirkiness, kindness and creativity (I didn’t plan that alliteration by the way, it just came out like that) should maybe be the norm, the default position, the basic standpoint for all of us. What a beautiful and interesting world we could create…..

Prompted by Linda G Hill at 
Stream of Consciousness Saturdays #SoCS: 20/03/2021

 

 

 

 

 

Looking to where truth lies

blue and white planet display
Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

Perhaps the truth lies in the spaces inbetween. When we stand back and truly take a look at what is in front of us, at what surrounds us. At what we are in fact a part of. A term known as the Overview Effect may be just the wakeup call that is needed here on planet Earth. Wikipedia describes the Overview Effect as “…a cognitive shift in awareness reported by some astronauts during spaceflight, often while viewing the Earth from outer space.”

The genesis of the term is credited to Frank White while on an airplane flight in the 1970’s: “Anyone living in a space settlement … will always have an overview. They will see things that we know, but that we don’t experience, which is that the Earth is one system. We’re all part of that system, and there is a certain unity and coherence to it all.”

Or as described in stronger terms by Edgar Mitchell, the Apollo 14 astronaut who clearly knew how to call a spade a spade: “You develop an instant global consciousness, a people orientation, an intense dissatisfaction with the state of the world, and a compulsion to do something about it. From out there on the moon, international politics look so petty. You want to grab a politician by the scruff of the neck and drag him a quarter of a million miles out and say, ‘Look at that, you son of a bitch.”

For more on the Overview Effect and similar kinds of different, you can visit Kyle Kowalski’s beautiful website HERE.  

Prompted by Linda’s #1LinerWeds Challenge: 17/03/2021

#SoCS: The path to enlightenment is a slippery slope…

 

 

06/03/21: Butter

Don’t say But, she repeated.

But… he started.

She rolled her eyes. There you go again. Why can’t you just be decisive for a change. Assertive. Focused.

I try, he said. Maybe I just lack those qualities.

I don’t think it’s that, she said, I think that things just stick in your throat. Stop you from speaking your truth. From saying what you mean. So instead, you’re a Butter.

What?

A Butter. You skirt issues by not addressing them. You don’t get to the point. You keep saying But. So that you don’t have to go there.

Where do you think I need to go?

Only you can answer that.

Except I can’t.

Here, have a teaspoon of ghee, that might loosen things up for you.

The teaspoon was silver and with it she scooped up a golden spoonful from the small bucket. It glowed, warm and yellow and shiny. His mouth watered.

But…. he began again, looking doubtful, anxious even.

She rolled her eyes. And there you go again. Don’t be so fearful about everything. It’s only clarified butter you know.

What will it do?

With any luck, it will loosen your tongue for you, make you sing your own song. Speak your truth, so to speak. In India when people go down to the river, to the Ganges to sing and pay homage to their god and to nature, they swallow a spoonful of ghee to loosen the throat, to add sweetness to their voice.

He opened his mouth. He leaned in, and swallowed.

Seconds later, he opened his mouth again. Then, Ommmmmm.

On no, I’ve gone from a Butter to an Ummer, that’s even worse.

No, that didn’t sound like an Um to me, that sounded like Om.

You mean, Om as in Om Shanti?

That’s exactly what I mean! I think you’ve become Enlightened!

He frowned. I don’t feel Enlightened. Not that I would recognise it. I don’t think so anyway. I kind of feel the same.

That’s ok, ‘before enlightenment chop wood, carry water, after enlightenment chop wood, carry water’, and all that.

Okay. He sounded doubtful, still frowning.

Well, maybe it was just an Um, and that’s fine by me too. Anything’s better than listening to you go ‘But…’ all the time. Here, have another spoonful, just in case.

 

Prompted by Linda G Hill at 
Stream of Consciousness Saturdays #SoCS 

 

 

 

 

 

Is inner peace possible, when you’re surrounded by disarray?

person sitting on rock on body of water
Photo by Keegan Houser on Pexels.com

 I’ve just finished reading Anne Lamott’s ‘Bird by Bird’, (which isn’t about birds!) It’s quite hilarious at times and rich in warmth and down-to-earth wisdom. At one point there is an account of her visit to a priest because she is feeling chaotic and vulnerable in her writing. She talks about the unpredictable nature of being a writer, of working  in a space where you can go from success to failure in the blink of an eye, or the turn of a page. She feels thrown by the fickle way the world responds, by never knowing how a piece will be received, wanting the positive response (of course) but not knowing what she will get, from one book or essay to the next. The priest agrees that she is in need of some peace and quiet and reflects on her search for serenity amidst all the chaos that she feels. Abbreviated, he responds as follows: “The world can’t give you that serenity. The world can’t give us peace. We can only find it in our hearts … But the good news is that by the same token, the world can’t take it away.” Continue reading